i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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