hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
