I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
