Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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