I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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