I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
