thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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