I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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