I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
