____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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