How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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