I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
