Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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