I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize