Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
