He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize