he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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