my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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