He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize