I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
