Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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