they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
