I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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