The maid of honor just puked.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my shit smells like andre
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
