JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
