went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
