Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
