do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
