i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
