Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Come see our sink grown plant.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize