If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
