I wish I could teleport
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
