I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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