i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
