happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
