i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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