i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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