Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
