in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize