dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize