Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
