Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
