I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
