So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
