I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
