im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found puke in my bra..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
