She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
