atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize