I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
