exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize