A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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