dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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