its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
