he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
