if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
