I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
