Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
