smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
