You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
