my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize