i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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