South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
