Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
