So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
