you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
