i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
