perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
