Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
