You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
