I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
