i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
