i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize