Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
