May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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