Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
