i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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