I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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