so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
