Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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