God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
