you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
