You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
