I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
smell my finger.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
