2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
