She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize