I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
