you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
