Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
