All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
