if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
