oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
