Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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