Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
